I have been thinking a lot about the word “glory” this week.  It is a term that is thrown around quite a bit amongst Jesus folk.  Since starting a relationship with Jesus as an early adult, I have adopted the use of the term, but its significance has been lost throughout most of my journey.  I just have not “gotten” it.  Am I alone here?   I am reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore with my “Wednesday Women.”  Beth admits that to try and understand the meaning of a word like glory, as it refers to God, is incredibly difficult, but she offers this insight:  glory is to make God known or give him recognition.  To give God glory is to make him known or seen.  When God reveals his glory, He is giving man insight into who he is.  When the Bible says that the whole earth is full of his glory, it means that the whole earth is full of these tiny revelations of who God is.  Glory = the representation of God (which is highly complex and comes in countless forms)   Thanks to our amazing Michigan winter, I was up on my roof last week shoveling off the few feet of snow that were up there.  As I paused to catch my breath during this arduous task, I looked around at our property and my heart was captivated.  It is beautiful.  I get to look at this marvelous sight every day and I am beyond thankful.  Yet, in having a slightly different perspective (standing on the roof), I was awestruck anew.  It is amazing what a slight change in perspective can do.   Since “glory” has been on my mind lately, I have begun plugging in my new understanding of the word “glory” and my eyes have been opened.   Psalm 19:1 – “The heavens declare (who God is), the skies proclaim the work of his hands.”   2 Corinthians 3:18 – “And we, who with unveiled faces, all reflect (who God is), are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing (revelation of who God is),[…]

Reckless Hope

I received an email yesterday, that if legit, has the power to shake things up a bit.  I won’t go into the details just yet, but I will perk your curiosity by saying that it made me cry, made me ponder, and revealed some hidden places in my heart.   In my pondering and wondering, I have discovered that I possess this reckless hope.  Reckless is not usually a positive adjective.  In fact, it might be the opposite of self-control.  Recklessness does not regard its surroundings.  It does not consider the outcome of its actions.  Recklessness blazes forward without thinking it through.  Reckless is the best word I can use to describe this HOPE that I possess.   I have a stubborn hope that refuses to relent, even when I might experience more peace if it did.  If you’ve read any of my blog posts, then you know that I have desired another child for quite some time.  Every month, I hold out this stubborn hope that I will be pregnant, even when all the signs are pointing toward an answer of “No,” for this month.  It does not matter how much I argue with myself, I can not shake this hope.   Having hope, without a fulfillment of that hope, is exhausting.  Therefore, I find myself wanting to know when this journey will conclude.  I want to KNOW what the answers are.  I just want to have matters settled.   I have matured a lot over the last few years of dealing with infertility.  Any anxiety I feel as I wait for answers is no longer because I am holding on to a particular outcome.  Now I feel anxious because I do not KNOW.  I do not know how to move forward and that makes me anxious.  If the outcome is not what I want (I am not pregnant), I really am okay with that.  There is no anxiety there.  The anxiety comes from not knowing.  Once I know, either “yes” or “no,” I am good.  This is true for me in any circumstance.   This email that I[…]

Hidden and Impact

Why is hide and seek such a fun game?  The familiar adrenaline rush comes back when I watch one of my kids scamper off to find a hiding place while the other counts.  I remember the thrill of trying to find a good place to hide.  As a kid, I was short (okay, I still am).  This meant that I could hide in some pretty tight places where people would not think to look (the clothes hamper, on a shelf in a cabinet, etc.).  I once hid on a top shelf in a closet behind some blankets.  I tried really hard to not be found.   Today I wonder if much has changed.  As I go through my day, I think I really just want to hide.  I want to remain anonymous.  I want to go un-noticed and fly under the radar.  As I’ve given it some thought, I don’t think this is an introvert thing or a shyness thing.  I think this is an avoidance thing.   Am I alone here?  Does anyone else want to get through the grocery store without seeing anyone they know – not because you haven’t showered today (which is often the case for me) – but because you just don’t want to deal with anything else?  I have my tasks, my to-do list, and I do not want anything to interrupt that.  Sometimes I feel I am struggling to keep my head above water, so I don’t want anything new added to the mix.   Some of us thrive on attention more than others, but all of us have our moments when we just want to retreat into our shell and hide out for a while.  Some times it is too exhausting to be seen.  By “seen” I don’t just mean being around people and being noticed.  I mean really being “seen” – the real you – the you that is under the mask you put out there for all to see.   I have been wrestling with one aspect of the real me underneath.  I am going to let you “see” me[…]


I used to think that God was always talking to us and that we just did not always listen.  I do not think I believe that anymore.  I do think he speaks to us – and probably often – but I am growing convinced that he does not speak hastily.  His words are lovingly calculated and timely.  He does not keep yammering at us like a nagging mother until we finally listen.  He is patient to wait until we are willing to listen.   “He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).   I can tell when my kids’ hearts are in a place where they are ready to hear what I have to say.  I do not usually share the nuggets of truth that I want to share with them until I know that they are listening.  Sometimes it is a correction, but other times it is just a piece of my heart that I want to share with them.  I usually ask them to turn and look at me so I know they are listening.  Of course, looking me in the eye does not guarantee that they will actually take what I have to say to heart, but at least they are in a better posture to receive.  I trust that if it is not today, then some day soon, they will trust me and receive the life-giving words I have to offer.  That is my hope, anyway, and I will not cease sharing these nuggets of truth with them until I know they have received them.   This morning I realized that I have unknowingly expected God to behave differently than I as a parent.  I have expected him to shout direction at me while I am busy ignoring him or just obliviously plowing through life.  I have wanted him to fix my problems rather than empowering me to fix the problems myself.  In a sense, I have asked God to be the kind of parent to me that I would never want to be for[…]

Under the Sun

Under the Sun

The midwest has been inundated with snow this winter.  We have received a fresh falling of 12 inches over the last two days at our house.  Facebook is filled with comments (and a lot of complaints) because this winter varies greatly from the mild winters we have had over the past couple years.  This winter, however, is more reminiscent of the ones I can remember as a child.  I used to start a snow fort at the beginning of winter and it would be a work-in-progress for the couple months until spring.  This is the first winter that my kids and I have been able to re-create my childhood in that regard.  Every other winter has had too many warm spells where all the snow has melted.  This winter has been nice and cold and full of snow.  I love it.   Don’t get me wrong.  I love the spring, summer, and fall as well.  Fall is actually my favorite.  I just really love the seasons.  Each season has its own treasures as well as its difficulties and less-than-desirable qualities, but I want to choose to focus on the treasures.   “There is a time and a season for everything under the sun (or under the heavens)” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).   I have been doing a lot of pondering lately about why I am here.  What is the point of it all?  What is life really about?  You know, the light-hearted stuff.   I am in a strange season.  I have often wondered if what I am experiencing is a mid-life crisis kind of thing.  I am not sure what a mid-life crisis is supposed to look like, but usually people talk of doing something drastic, to add something new and crazy or different.  I have had a strong desire to get a new pet lately.  Weird, I know.  Thankfully, I am too logically-minded to go get one without seriously considering the weight of that decision and responsibility.  In other words, we won’t be getting a new pet any time soon.   I feel way too young to be having a[…]

Welcome to!  I am so glad you are here. This space was created when my life story was not following the path I expected.  For years, infertility was the main topic of my wrestle.  These days, I find myself sorting through the mental chaos of mothering, wife-ing, friend-ing, teacher-ing, daughter-ing and what-is-my-life-purpose-ing.  As I try to steady my thoughts and park them in a healthy place, God has made one thing clear:  maintaining hope in Him is the key. Check out my blog for a window into my story.

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