Drawing Near to God


The Day My Patience Was Hiding

24 Apr 2018 Posted by Jillian in Becoming More Like Jesus, Drawing Near to God, Infertility, Motherhood, Trust

  The fruit of the Spirit is…love, joy, peace, PATIENCE…   Well, I was not real full of the Spirit.  I was full of something else, but it was not the Spirit of God.  Disappointment, frustration, anger, discouragement.  I was full of those things.   I’m sure you can imagine what spilled out of me in word form when I was feeling full of those things.  I didn’t want to be in my home that day and neither did any of my family members.   I concealed those foul emotions deep inside, but what came out of me was a complete lack of patience.  I overheard my daughter yelling at her brother, so of course, I came into the room to yell at her for yelling at her brother.  Not hypocritical, at all.   The 2nd born was banished to the basement (where his room is, lest you think I’m an absolute monster) before he got two words out.  I just couldn’t deal with his energy and incredible talent of riling up ALL his siblings.   The third born just stood and looked at me wide-eyed.  The fourth, is vocal about her opinions, and well, I was vocal about my feelings about her feelings.  I just couldn’t deal.   Everyone was miserable.  I was miserable.  I wanted to have patience, but my unresolved feelings about my circumstances were causing me to lose sight of God and his goodness.  I was living and operating from the world I can see, feel, hear, taste, and touch.  I was not operating above my circumstances, the way God graciously enables us all to do.  I was living in the flesh, not from the Spirit of God that lives in me.   When we surrender to God, he enables us, through his Spirit, to live in a way that honors him and blesses the people around us, regardless of our circumstances.  When we have issues in our hearts that we have not surrendered to God or that we have not allowed him to infuse with his truth, those issues get in the way of us living from the Spirit.   I know I am not alone in having days like this.  We do not celebrate these days.  We try to…

Waiting, disappointment, hope?

17 Apr 2018 Posted by Jillian in Becoming More Like Jesus, Blog, Drawing Near to God, Infertility, Quest for Contentment, Trust

Hello there,   This week I did a lot of waiting.  I did a lot of hoping.  In the end, I’m left dealing with disappointment.   You see, I have had a dream ever since I was 13.  Over the course of the last month, I thought that dream might actually become a reality.  It was a pipe dream.  I knew that.  I was fully aware of the magnitude of miracles that would need to happen in order for this dream to actually be realized, but I got really close to seeing the dream come true.  I was so close I could taste it.   But in one conversation, I realized that the dream was likely not going to happen.  Just like that, I went from gobs of hope and excitement to a shattered mess wondering how in the world to move forward.   It was not just the disappointment I needed to conquer.  You see, as I pursued my dream, I discovered pieces of information that also affected my here and now.  I discovered that my here and now is actually worse off than I realized.  I wish I could go back to a place of ignorance, but I can’t.  All that is left, is to figure out how to move forward.   So how do YOU move forward after extreme disappointment?  Seriously, I would like to know.   I know we all face disappointments, big and small.  The saying goes, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”  Could it also be said that it is better to have hoped and been disappointed than to have never hoped at all?   A life lived without hope, is a bleak one.  We all need something to hope for.  Years ago, when I was trying to find a domain name that would accurately describe what I wanted this website to be about, I stumbled across “Unwavering Hope.”   Unwavering – “steady, resolute, constant, unrelenting”…just a few of the words used to describe “unwavering.”   Hope – “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.”   Also:  “a feeling of trust.”   I believe the key to successfully navigating this crazy life with all its…

Fresh Beginnings

10 Apr 2018 Posted by Jillian in Becoming More Like Jesus, Blog, Drawing Near to God, friendship

Hello! It has been a long time since I ventured into the blogosphere – 2.5 years if we are being specific.  I got distracted.  I lost the vision.  I wasn’t sure I saw the purpose any longer.  The internet is flooded with good things to read for inspiration or information.  I wasn’t sure that the time I spent pouring my heart out was making a difference.  I figured there were a lot of “better” of “funnier” or “more impactful” articles out there.   But I’m back.  The reason I began this blog was because I have a passion for sharing what I have learned on my journey – especially the lessons learned on difficult paths.  Those difficult paths are the ones that are made a lot easier if there is someone who has gone before you and can warn you of the hidden dangers, helping you navigate so you can successfully endure and finish.  I do not claim to have mastered the art of walking difficult trails, but God has been faithful to teach me nuggets of truth and grow my character as I’ve pressed on.   This blog is a place that I can lay those lessons down for anyone to pick up along the way much like a fresh unopened bottle of water left on a long trail with a note that says, “This is for you, to help you along the way.”   As I said in the past, I can not make any guarantees about how often I will place those cold bottles of water down on the path, but I am once again ready to “journal in public.”  Here’s my latest entry:   The last year and a half have been one of the most difficult seasons of my life.  I thought infertility might keep the gold medal for being the most challenging season to endure, but I’ve realized that you can not really compare one challenge to another.  It really does not matter which season had been tougher.  The reality is that each season, each challenge has its own unique sets of obstacles and lessons to be learned.  Similarly, two people may experience similar seasons of challenge with similar circumstances, but each person’s experience will be different and the…


10 Oct 2013 Posted by Jillian in Blog, Drawing Near to God, Motherhood, Quest for Contentment

(I wrote this on paper 3 weeks ago, but did not get a chance to type it out) I am sitting here ready to board an airplane.  My husband and kids are at home.  I am traveling solo, so I have a little “quiet” time, and I am reflecting on this verse:   “Yet I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And the earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:23-26).   I am not afraid of flying.  I am pretty sure I have boarded an airplane every year (sometimes several times a year) since 1980.  Let’s just say, I have been on a lot of airplanes.   Now that I am a wife and a mom, if I fly without my husband and kids, flying feels a lot more vulnerable than it did as a kid.  I am still not afraid of flying, but I have found a tiny fear of dying, and for some irrational reason, getting on an airplane feels like walking into a potentially life-threatening scenario.  It is completely irrational.  I know that.  I know that the statistics point to the fact that I have a greater likelihood of dying in a car crash than an airplane crash.  I do not think about dying every time I get in a car – probably because I do that more often.  Let’s just call the fear irrational and move on.  This blog post really is not about flying, it is about dying.   Due to the fact that I am traveling alone and I soon have to get some tests done to see if I might have to battle the scary “C” word (cancer), I have been doing a lot of pondering about how I feel toward God if “all the days ordained for me (that were) written in his book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139), were a smaller amount of days than I think or would like.   Aside from the normal…


17 Sep 2013 Posted by Jillian in Becoming More Like Jesus, Blog, Drawing Near to God, friendship, Infertility, Quest for Contentment

  Have you ever opened a clam shell and found a pearl inside?  I haven’t, but I imagine it is quite the experience as you open this rather ugly-looking shell in hopes that something beautiful and valuable is nestled inside. Did you know that pearls are formed as “a defense mechanism against a potentially threatening irritant such as a parasite inside the shell, or an attack from outside.” (thank you, Wikipedia)  Isn’t that what faith in God’s truth is:  a defense mechanism against a potentially threatening irritant or attack (Satan)?  Faith is called the “shield” because it blocks and defends against the blows the enemy dishes that are meant to take us out (Ephesians 6).   Well-meaning christians sometimes take the time to offer their shields when ours are looking a little tattered and dented.  I am afraid, though, that so much of the things we christians say to each other (christianese) are like clam shells.  The beauty and the prizes are being handed out left and right, but unless you are willing to pry the thing open to find the hidden gem, what you have been given is useless and even kinda ugly.   I metaphorically opened a clam shell this week and found a treasure far more valuable than any pearl.  I had a clam shell handed to me this week that really set me free regarding how to handle unmet desires.  Initially, the truth that was shared was a little irritating and felt like the “christian thing” to say until God opened my eyes to see the pearl hidden inside.   I shared with a dear, Jesus-following woman about my desire for a child.  I gave her insight into the depth of this desire.   After sharing, she asked me, “Do you trust the Father?”   Not wanting to answer too quickly (and trying to decide in my mind if I really did), I answered, “Yes, I do.”  And I meant it will all my heart.  So I sat and waited, hoping that she would say the thing that finally helped me cross this mountain to where I would no longer struggle.   “Then you need to stop taking it back,” she said.  She was met with a slightly puzzled and disappointed…

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