Honesty and Understanding

Trying to put into words what the heart is feeling is challenging.  Every time that I sit down to pour my heart into a blog, I expect it to go quickly.  I have already given so much thought to the subject, so I expect that I will be able to easily put those thoughts into words.  Unfortunately, that is not often the case.  It usually takes a few hours (5 hours today) before I am ready to hit “publish” on a rather short blog.   After I have written my thoughts, I go back and re-read the words, and I find myself trying very hard to imagine how someone will feel reading these words.  I want to be certain that I am clear, and I do not want my heart to be misunderstood.   So I read and re-read what I have written, making changes in hopes that it is engaging and has a good point.  I wonder who will read my words and what impact they will have.  I pray it will be worth your time to read and will have a positive impact in you and your world.   Sometimes I do wonder how God can use these blogs, but then I remember that he is the Truth-teller and the Master Gardener.  He grabs truth where ever He sees it and he plants it into our lives in order to produce life.   He takes what is offered and makes the most possible “life” come from it.  Every year I am completely amazed that food I can eat comes from me taking an afternoon to put tiny seeds into the dirt and manure of my garden.  I am equally amazed that what grows up out of my manure (my sin, junk and dysfunction) can offer energy and strength to anyone else.  I think I still wonder about whether this whole writing thing is a calling from God…   Somewhere along the way, I have come to grips with the fact that I like to write.  I really have not always enjoyed writing.  As I have gotten older and[…]


“He who doubts is like a wave in the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” ~ James 1:6   I recently told you a true story about how God gave me a new horse.  I wrote of how this horse was the answer of a heart’s cry – a cry that could not really be put into words, but my Maker knew the depth of my plea.  He knew that I feared getting a new horse because I had only ever owned one horse.  Being able to feel comfortable around a new horse was a concern for me.  I worried about being able to trust the horse while riding it.  I worried about how it would adjust to the other horse and pony that we had here at home.  Basically, the thought of getting a new horse was a little scary for me and, if I am honest, a bit overwhelming.  The Lord knew all that.   I committed to handing my concerns and feelings of being overwhelmed over to Him, and I was prepared to wait a long time for him to fulfill my desire for a new horse.  Ultimately, I wanted to get a horse when it was HIS time and in HIS way.  (Because I really do believe his ways are higher and better than ours – Isaiah 55:9)  I knew that if I believed God was behind the circumstances surrounding getting a new horse, then my heart would be at peace.  Wrong.   God handed me a free horse that fit the description I had given him.  He did it in a way that seemed so obvious that it was Him.  (Read the story for complete details)  Even though I felt convinced that God was behind Suzy Q coming to our house, I began to doubt.   I had a growing list of “concerns” about keeping Suzy.  Was she really the horse for me?  What if she does not turn out to be the kind of horse I really want?  What if she ends up being lame (sore) most of the time?  What if she[…]


Sound spelling (encouraging kids to have the freedom to write words without worrying if they are spelled correctly) is a beautiful thing.  It gives you insight into how a kid hears words that are spoken.  A couple weeks ago, I came across a piece of artwork that my daughter was working on and it made me smile instantly.  I think you can see the irony with me. Misspelling the word “perfect” is a lot like misspelling the word “Failure.”  It is living proof that perfection has been alluded.  Want to know a secret?  I am okay with that.  I am okay with not being perfect.  I try my hardest to do things well, but at the end of the day, I am okay with not being the best as long as I felt good about my effort.  Do I want to be perfect?  Depends.  It depends on whose standard of perfection.   So I took a personality test online to see if I am a “type A” person.  This is the personality type that is known for perfectionism.  I have had several people over the years assume that I have a type A personality, and it has always bothered me because I do not think of myself as a type A person.  I wondered why people thought that.  I literally googled “What is a type A personality?” just before writing this blog because I thought maybe I had the wrong definition in my mind.  My search confirmed that I am not a type A person, and the test confirmed it, too.   However, apparently I must give off the impression that I am someone I am not.  I even had one friend argue with me about it.  She made a statement about how I have a type A personality, and I stopped her and said, “What?  You think I have a type A personality?”  Her response was, “Oh yeah.  Of course.”  I was incredulous.  She started listing things like, “Don’t you have to be organized?”  Me:  “No…I would like to be, but have you seen my house?”  Her:  “Like your[…]

Hope Fulfilled

Do I have a story for you…   If you have kept up with my blog, you know that I had to put my beloved horse down about a month ago after 18 years of a special friendship.  My family and I were on vacation when my horse was injured.  We had to come home early from our vacation in order to tend to her wounds.   Before we left for our trip, I had a fleeting thought:  What if Marcy would have to be put down while we are gone?  Marcy was perfectly healthy before we left.  I had no reason to think she might have to be put down, but the thought entered my head.  I considered it for a moment – only long enough to go back and give her another kiss before leaving – but not long enough to put any real stock in the possibility that the end of her days might be sooner than later.   On vacation, when I got the call that Marcy had been injured, my heart sank.  As I talked with the vet (who was assessing the damage on Marcy and communicating the extent of it to me), I had that sinking feeling that I would have to put her down.  The vet assured me that I did not have to make any kind of decision about it, yet.  She was going to do what she could to patch her up.   On the long drive home from South Carolina, I did my fair share of crying as I considered the very sobering reality that I might not have my horse much longer.  Somewhere deep down, I had begun mourning.  Deep in my heart, I knew the most likely outcome, even though I hoped my heart was wrong.  Hindsight is 20/20.  I could not have said definitively that God was preparing me to say goodbye at the time, but as I look back, I can clearly see the gentle, loving hand of God preparing me for a very tough reality.   The next two weeks brought a roller-coaster of emotions[…]

Hope Happens

Yesterday, I found myself saying the phrase, “I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”  After the words left my mouth, I thought about the ridiculousness of that phrase.  I am trying not to get my hopes up?  Can you really do that?  Can you actually prevent your hopes from soaring?  When signs are pointing toward to fulfillment of a desire, can you actually stop yourself from getting hopeful?  I really do not think so.  Hope happens.   When I said that phrase, here’s what I think I was trying to say, “I am super hopeful that this will work out, but I am trying to keep my thoughts and heart in check.”  In other words, I do not want to put the cart before the horse.  I want to be prepared if what I hope for does not happen.   What I now find myself sitting and wondering is:  is this biblical?  Is being prepared for disappointment in alignment with the heart of God?   God calls us to be people who have faith.  God defines faith as, “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).   It appears that God encourages us to have our hopes up.  Have confidence.  Have assurance that what you do not currently have will be yours.  The important question is:  Is He encouraging confidence and assurance about _______ ?  (Fill in the blank with whatever current desire you have)   People often say to one another, “You just have to have faith-” implying that if you want something bad enough, you can almost wish it into being.  The problem with this line of thinking is that it encourages us to have faith in a specific outcome rather than encouraging us to have faith in the One who holds all of our outcomes in the palm of his hand.   Like all of the verses in the Bible, we can not take this one verse and isolate it and mold it to fit our thinking.  We can not hold tightly to a desire and say, “I[…]

Welcome to unwaveringhope.com!  I am so glad you are here. This space was created when my life story was not following the path I expected.  For years, infertility was the main topic of my wrestle.  These days, I find myself sorting through the mental chaos of mothering, wife-ing, friend-ing, teacher-ing, daughter-ing and what-is-my-life-purpose-ing.  As I try to steady my thoughts and park them in a healthy place, God has made one thing clear:  maintaining hope in Him is the key. Check out my blog for a window into my story.

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