Anonymous

Confession:  I have been avoiding you.  Please don’t take this personally.  I haven’t been avoiding YOU.  I have been avoiding the collective you – all.  I have not blogged for a very long time.  (I just realized I have only blogged twice in the past year)  I have had a million blog ideas swirling around in my head for months, many started and left open in a browser window, but I have not sat down and completed anything.  I have been avoiding it.  Why?   I had ideas in my head of what I needed to do if I were to commit to this blogging thing.  I would need to blog every day, or every other day, or at least once a week.  Committing to any sort of frequency overwhelms me.   I will admit that I am extremely slow on the draw when it comes to social media.  I have never Snapchatted.  I have Twitter and Linked-In accounts, but honestly don’t remember the last time I looked at either.  I only recently learned that Periscope exists and I am sure there are a myriad of other cool, creative ways to stay in touch with people that I have zero clue about.  I have never been the social butterfly in real life, so the idea of flitting around in cyberspace has never really appealed to me.  I remember life without the internet.  It was simpler.  I like simple.   Yet here I am, on the computer, contemplating about sending my musings out into the vast unknown of the internet.  I am not techie, so the whole concept of the internet utterly amazes me.  Somehow I will type these words out and post them on a webpage (that my cousin had to build for me and another friend had to set up on his server) and then the whole world could see it if they want to.   The whole world.   The chances of someone in India or Australia or China or Chile reading these words is slim because the people there do not even know I exist.  I am[…]

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http://unwaveringhope.com/2015/10/04/anonymous/

Robbers

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting with Joshua (my 5 year old) in one of the hallways of Alliyah’s school, waiting for Alliyah to be done with an after school meeting.  Joshua observed a mom getting into the locker of her child and leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, “Mom, is that a robber?”  I tried really hard to stifle my laughter because he was dead serious.  I carefully explained that the women getting into the locker was most likely the mother of the student who used that locker, so it was okay for her to get into the locker.  He simply replied, “Oh.”  It was an honest question.   Later that week, Joshua and I were talking about potential names for his soon-to-be-born baby brother.  As you can imagine, we have had some pretty creative and hysterical suggestions.  During the conversation, we were talking about the full names of everyone in our family.  Then Joshua asks, “Is Daddy a robber?”  It quickly dawned on me that Joshua had been mis-hearing Todd’s middle name.  Instead of hearing “Robert,” he heard “Robber.”  Todd Robber Heerlyn.  Again, I had to try hard not to laugh out loud.   All this talk of “robbers” has gotten me thinking about a deeper spiritual reality that is playing out.  There is so much that goes on in the spiritual realm that we do not see.  Because we can not see it, it can be easy to forget it exists.  But the bible tells us to be on guard because the devil is on the prowl looking for someone to devour.  There are spiritual forces of evil at work all the time.  Thankfully, there are also angels fighting on our behalf.  In reality, Jesus broke any real power the enemy had when he hung on the cross.  The enemy just does not want us to believe that is true.   Jesus addressed the enemy and called him a thief or a “robber,” implying that the enemy was in the business of taking things that do not belong to him.   “The thief[…]

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The Matter of Men

I have overheard a few comments this past week that have got me thinking:   “Men are just as insecure as women, maybe more so.” ~My mom   “Most men are insecure; reducing women helps them feel more powerful.” ~Kris Vallotton   “I told my daughter that she can keep the gender of the baby secret if it’s a boy, but if it’s a girl, I’m going to need to know as soon as possible.” ~Random woman at a craft show   This last quote got me thinking the most because I think it captures an undertone I see too often.  If it’s a girl, I am going to want to prepare more by buying cute clothes and decorating her room nicely.  Even from such a young age, the outward appearance of a girl seems to be highlighted and celebrated.  We get excited about little bows, ruffle butts, and huge flowers on their heads.  Because, let’s be honest, all of those things are ridiculously cute.   I understand I am generalizing a lot here, I know I am not speaking for everyone.  I am merely reflecting on a common sentiment I see floating around.  I have bought into it myself, at times, and I am just now wondering how I feel about it.   As I have sat and thought about how I would share the news that we are having a boy, I have worried about people’s reactions.  I have worried that people wouldn’t be as excited for us as they would if we said we would having a girl.  It’s all nice to say I shouldn’t care what people think.  And for the most part, God has freed me from caring what others think, but I still have to fight sometimes.   One of the ways I am fighting is by unpacking why it is that I would perceive less excitement about a boy than I would about a girl.  Does the issue lie solely in my own heart, or is there a an unhealthy mindset that has woven its way into our society at large?  Probably both.[…]

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http://unwaveringhope.com/2014/10/20/the-matter-of-men/

Chicken Soup

  Everyone knows that chicken noodle soup is a good food to eat if you are trying to acclimate your body back to the land of eating after your body has involuntarily been purging everything you have put in it.  There is something about chicken noodle soup that brings good nourishment to a weak body.   My son, Joshua, got sick over the weekend and has been laying on the couch watching movies for the last couple days.  Today it seems like he is almost back to normal.  As I sat and watched him finish the last of his chicken noodle soup, I was reminded of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.  These books are filled with real stories of real people.  Right then, I realized why the authors named those books after the miracle soup.  There is something medicinal found in hearing another person’s story.  It does not matter if your story mirrors the other.  Encouragement and hope can be found in sharing in another’s suffering, their joy, their perseverance, and their triumph.  The stories of God’s people can bring nourishment to your own soul as you realize that the same author is writing a story in your life – a different story, a unique story, but a story with the same trust-worthy God as the Author.   It is with that sentiment that I hope my story helps you trust deeper in the unchanging God of the universe, brings you hope, and encourages you to persevere through whatever trial you are facing.   Here is a blog post I wrote a couple months ago and feel the time has come to share:   This is a blog post I really did not think I would write.   I am surprised.  I am shocked.  I did not think I would be where I am now.   As many of you know, Todd and I have spent the last 4.5 years (since Joshua’s birth) hoping that we would have a 3rd child.  I can vividly remember holding Joshua in the hospital after just delivering him and thinking to myself,[…]

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http://unwaveringhope.com/2014/09/16/chicken-soup/

Let It Go

So a few people have asked me how I am doing in lieu of the fact that I had a massive garage sale last weekend where I sold all of my baby/kid stuff.  That’s right.  I made the decision to let it all go.  Let it go, let it go…don’t hold it back any more…  Sorry, I can’t get the song out of my head.   I decided to take a moment to record my feelings about letting it all go.   How am I doing?  That’s a fantastic question.  The answer really depends on when I am asked.  The majority of the time, I am doing fine.  At times, I have gotten teary-eyed.  At times I have been excited and relieved.  Usually, both sides of the emotions are present at the exact same time, yet somehow I am at peace.   This has been the weirdest journey for me thus far in my 33 years.  On one hand, I am excited about the unknown future that lay ahead.  On the other hand, I am a little sad that God’s plans for my life may look different than the ones I had painted in my head.  Gradually but steadily, I am moving to a place of embracing my family of four with thankfulness and without the longing for more.   The thing is, I really do not know what is going to happen.  It is entirely possible that I will still get pregnant, but I am no longer waiting around for it to happen.  I am moving on, letting it go.   A couple years ago, I never could’ve imagined being where I am right now.  I hoped I would be at a place where I would be okay if God chose to keep us as a family of four, but I could not imagine facing that reality without at least a tinge of sadness.  I just could not picture how it would look.  I trusted that God would get me there if I needed to, but I just could not imagine being okay with not having another child.  […]

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Welcome to unwaveringhope.com!  I am so glad you are here. This space was created when my life story was not following the path I expected.  For years, infertility was the main topic of my wrestle.  These days, I find myself sorting through the mental chaos of mothering, wife-ing, friend-ing, teacher-ing, daughter-ing and what-is-my-life-purpose-ing.  As I try to steady my thoughts and park them in a healthy place, God has made one thing clear:  maintaining hope in Him is the key. Check out my blog for a window into my story.

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    A couple weeks ago, I was sitting with Joshua (my 5 year old) in one of the hallways of Alliyah’s school, waiting for Alliyah to be done with an after school meeting.  Joshua observed a mom getting […]
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