love Tag


Loveless Obedience

17 Mar 2014 Posted by Jillian in Becoming More Like Jesus, Blog, Motherhood, Quest for Contentment

  “Do not touch things that do not belong to you.”  I feel like a broken record with my son.  He has far too much curiosity to remember the 500 times I have told him to not touch things that are not his.  The other day, he was playing with one of grandma’s figurines, and it broke.  Of course.  I told him not to touch it/play with it, but he could not resist.  The result was:  something that had value to someone else was broken.  Disobedience usually results in someone getting hurt.   It is hard for Joshua to learn this lesson because it does not hurt him when he breaks something that belongs to someone else.  It does not hurt him when he frustrates his sister by playing with her things.  The only “pain” he feels is the consequences that I impose on him, in order to help the message stick.  I give him a consequence because I want his heart to care.   The whole point of consequences is to turn the heart back on course.  The problem is, kids can learn to obey, mainly to avoid a consequence, but it does not mean that their heart has actually changed.  Do I want Joshua to learn to obey in order to avoid a negative consequence, or do I just want him to learn to respect other people’s things?  Obviously I want the latter.   In order to achieve a change of heart, the heart needs to be addressed and engaged.  When Joshua broke grandma’s glass elephant, his heart was touched when I explained how sad that would make grandma.  He suddenly felt awful and wished he had obeyed.  He learned the hard way, and unfortunately, someone else had to get hurt as well before the lesson began to sink in.  (Thankfully he is learning these lessons when the “hurt” is relatively minor)   We are God’s children and the obedience he calls us to plays by the same rules.  Our heart must be engaged in order for the obedience to have great value.   Lately, I feel like I have been doing just about everything because I “should.”  I should keep up with the house work.  I should spend some time with God. …

The Recent Journey…(from December)

14 Mar 2013 Posted by Jillian in Becoming More Like Jesus, Drawing Near to God, Infertility, Quest for Contentment, Trust

**This post is from december 2012**   This morning I woke up at 3:44 am.  I never wake up in the middle of the night.  I usually wake up some time after 6 or slightly before.  As I lay there in bed, I had the feeling that I was starting my period.  I finally got out of bed to empty my bladder and discovered that sure enough I needed to soak my underwear.  I never start my period in the middle of the night.  I think I did once when I was 17.  This was most devastating because I really wanted to be pregnant.  We started a new fertility medicine this month, and I was very hopeful that we would finally be pregnant again.  What a great Christmas present that would have been, right?   After taking care of business, I lay in bed for an hour tossing and turning with sleep evading me.  I had a horrible headache and equivalent cramps.  As I lay there, a few lines from the song “Your Love Never Fails” kept rolling through my mind.  “There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning…your love never fails.”  I lay there somewhat numb.  I knew the Lord was probably speaking to me, but I didn’t really want to hear.  The lines kept repeating.  For an hour.  You would think I’d take a hint.  About a half hour into the attempted comfort from the Holy Spirit, God added, “When the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid.”   Finally I got up, recognizing that I wasn’t going to sleep and I was miserable (on more than one level).  The intelligent person would heed God’s hints and make the choice to spend time with him.  I moved to the couch and pulled out the iPad.  I played games for about an hour, soaking in the depression.  Around 5:30, I finally decided to eat something so I could take some ibuprofen.  I returned to the couch and picked up my “Thankfulness” journal.  I knew I needed to spend time with God, but I honestly did not want to.  I looked at the stack of books that included my journal and Bible and the only book I could get…

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